"Therefore, let us not judge one another anymore, but rather determine this: not to put an obstacle or a stumbling block in a brother's way." Romans 14:13 (NASB)
For more than three years, from my freshman year of high school until the spring of my senior year, I never wore a pair of pants. Someone taught me pants were a sin, based on a misapplied verse, Deuteronomy 22:5. That verse teaches a real principle. The pants rule I received applied the principle badly. I will save that study for another blog. For now, here is what matters. I believed wearing pants was an "abomination" and God would judge me for it. So, I stopped.
Over time, something shifted. I stopped worrying only about God's judgment. I started worrying about people's judgment. I pictured church members seeing me in pants and deciding I had backslidden. A rule meant to keep me holy now kept me afraid. That fear is when my spirit started to wake up.
As I grew in the Lord and studied Scripture for myself, I learned the importance of context, historical background and culture. Most of all, I learned to cross-reference and let Scripture interpret Scripture. I came to understand my salvation rests on God's grace through faith, not on my works (Ephesians 2:8-9). Whether I wore pants had nothing to do with my standing before God. I was justified, declared righteous, and I had peace with God (Romans 5:1).
That spring, the Holy Spirit led me to 1 Samuel 16:7. Man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart. The Word retrained my conscience, and the burden lifted. On the first day of Senior Week in 1979, I walked into school wearing my first pair of blue jeans in over three years. I felt no condemnation (Romans 8:1).
Why Romans 14 Matters to Me
This story is why Romans 14 sits so close to my heart. God's Word speaks clearly on many things we are to do and not do as Christians. There are also preferences, practices and opinions God has not settled in Scripture. Paul calls these "disputed matters" (Romans 14:1). In Rome, the disputes were about food and holy days (Romans 14:2-6). Today they might be about clothing, music, dancing, holidays or a glass of wine.
The problem comes when we expect everyone else to line up with our view, then treat them with contempt or judgment when they don't. Paul's instruction is direct. Stop judging. "Who are you to judge the servant of another?" (Romans 14:4)
When Your Conscience Says No
If your conscience tells you something is wrong, and God's Word does not clearly call it sin, then doing it would be sin for you. Paul says, "whatever is not from faith is sin" (Romans 14:23). He also says each person must be "fully convinced in his own mind" (Romans 14:5).
My story shows how this works. A misapplied rule trained my conscience. Even so, wearing pants while I believed they offended God would have been sin for me, because I would have acted against my conscience. Respecting my conscience was right. Letting the Word correct my conscience was also right. My feelings did not change the rule. My understanding of Scripture did.
My conviction was never meant to become your rule. When God has not prohibited something, I have no right to take my convictions, preferences or opinions and look down on you for living differently (Romans 14:3, 10).
When Your Freedom Says Yes
Here is the other side of the coin. Paul also addresses our liberty in Christ. We have real freedom in Christ. We are never to let our freedom become a stumbling block to someone else (Romans 14:13, 15; 1 Corinthians 8:9).
I enjoy a nice glass of wine. I feel no conviction about it. If my sister in Christ struggles with alcohol, and my glass of wine would pull her back toward that struggle, I will pass. Paul names this exact situation: "It is good not to eat meat or to drink wine, or to do anything by which your brother stumbles" (Romans 14:21). My love for her outweighs my liberty. "For if because of food your brother is hurt, you are no longer walking according to love" (Romans 14:15).
Offended Is Not the Same as Stumbling
Be careful here. Romans 14 is not a weapon for people who disagree with you. A stumbling block in this passage is something that leads another believer to act against their own conscience and fall into sin (Romans 14:20-23; 1 Corinthians 8:10-11). Being offended or annoyed by your choice is a different thing.
If my choice does not tempt you to sin or damage your faith, and you dislike my choice, you have not stumbled. You disagree. Paul has a word for you too. The one who abstains must not judge the one who partakes (Romans 14:3). The weaker brother is protected from being pushed into sin. He is not given veto power over everyone else's freedom. Both sides answer to the same command. Stop judging, and pursue what builds each other up (Romans 14:19).
So, Are We Never to Judge?
Romans 14 addresses disputed matters, things God has not prohibited. When clear sin is involved, Scripture does call us to judge, and tells us how.
We judge with righteous judgment, not by appearances (John 7:24). We judge with a clear conscience, after we deal with the log in our own eye (Matthew 7:1-5). We judge with gentleness, with the goal of restoration (Galatians 6:1).
The difference matters. On disputed matters, we release each other to the Lord. On clear sin, we lovingly restore each other through the Word. In both cases, love leads. "So then we pursue the things which make for peace and the building up of one another." (Romans 14:19)
Reflect: Is there a preference you have been treating as a commandment? Is there a freedom you need to lay down for som